Craptastic End To A Craptastic Week

Pardon me while I bitch. Yesterday sucked, which is quite all right, the universe would not be doing itself justice if things didn't suck once in a while. We must never forget the most important of life's truths: NO GOOD DEED WILL GO UNPUNISHED! The problem is, I ain't done no good deeds on nobody, so why is the universe pickin' on me. Firstly (My late-assistant has assured me that firstly is really a word. I ain't gonna insult his integrity by lookin' it up, but between you and me; I don't think firstly is a real word at all) I am still all constipated about the water damage to my kitchen ceiling at home. I like my kitchen, It's MY room. It's where I keep my pots and pans, which I also like (Pampered Chef ROCKS!) and it is also where I store food, which I am fairly fond of. Then I started to work on my federal income taxes again, and I think we all know how I feel about that. As if those tragic injustices ain't enough, those chickensh*t bastards up in the J-5 shop send their press gang down and take my assistant away. They complain that the're so undermanned and have just sooooo much work that the other staff sections all need to sacrifice to plus them up. Oh Bitch Bitch Bitch. Bunch a panty wearin' ('cept of course for the females, they wear boxers), weak ass, little sisters if you ask me. You know what this means? It means I have to do real work instead of just passing it on to my assistant. He was one shit-hot Marine Log Dawg! Still is for that matter, ain't like he is dead or anything just ain't applying his skills to accomplish MY mission anymore and that my friends, applies suction to the phallus of a Equus asinus (i.e. it sucks donkey dick). All that is a bad enough disruption to my Kharmic contentment in itself, but Noooo, the universe ain't done oppressing me yet. I keep telling it that I ain't done nothin' good for nobody at all recently; but it still just keeps pissing down my back and calling it sunshine! Know what its gone and done now, do ya? I bet you don't so I'm gonna tell ya. I think you will agree with me that the universe in fiendishly clever in the intricicies of its persecution of little 'ol harmless me. Well, here it is. It's almost too horrible to talk about. I mean......how can the universe do this to me. I am positive this is all cuz of those damn blue bellied federals!

Our precious hooch air conditioner has gone and crapped out again.

and ya know what?

IT'S FREAKIN' HOT IN THERE!

I am very strongly attached to the air conditioner. There in only one thing I can do in a situation such as this: I'm gonna go outside an holler at the moon!

TO THE TYRANT NEVER YIELD