It's Back And It Still Irritates The Heck Outa Me

I don't know why this particular urban legend bothers me so much but it does, it really really does. Call it a character flaw, one of many I'm sure, but I just can't let it go with out comment. For many years a little story has been passed around cyberspace concerning the MYTHICAL 1798 cruise of the USS CONSTITUTION. Most recently, i.e. just a few minutes ago I saw a wonderfully done power point presentation posted at ARGGHHH!!!! perpetuating this myth. This particular iteration placed the mythical cruise in 1779 during the Rev War almost a full 20 years BEFORE she was actually commissioned. Most folks would just say, "Let it go, it makes for a funny story". Well, yeah sure, but don't package it as truth! I think what bothers me the most is that it is so easily debunked. When I first read this fictional tale I thought "All right!!....Go Navy!" then I thought, "wait a minute wasn't that the time period of the "Quasi-War against france?" so then I did what any student of history would do. I went to the source data. The Navy Historical Center maintains historic logs online; all you gotta do is point and click. I thought it would be interesting to read about those exploits in the original "Navalese" of the log entries. I was shocked, shouldn't have been, but was, to find it was all myth. Because this character flaw of mine just can't let this die just sit back and read about what really happened on the 1798 cruise of the USS CONSTITUTION. If not Go someplace else!:

October 1797: USS CONSTITUTION is christened and launched in Boston
July 1798: USS CONSTITUTION set sail from Boston on her Maiden Voyage under the command of CAPT Sammuel Nicholson
July 1798-1801: She cruises the West Indies never engaging any warships; however she did defeat a few french privateers. She only saw one English ship and she rendered honors to it. She did not take 12 English merchies for their rum, she did not pull into the Azores and load wine, and she by no means raided a distillery on the Firth of Clyde
1802-1803: Undergoing refit in Boston

Not nearly as interesting as the myth but it is what really happened. Couple of other things that need to be addressed:

-1.26 gallons of spirits a day per man, yeah right. Being visibly drunk was a flogging offense and the cat was heavily employed during the period. In fact, the "Rocks and Shoals" makes drunkenness a double whammy. Article Three states that anyone drunk will be placed in irons until sober and then they get a flogging under Article One.
-"Naval Historians note reenlistment was 92% for this cruise" Firstly (yeah I am gonna keep using it in honor of my former assistant) since this cruise never took place-FALLACY!! Secondly, just who are these "Naval Historians"? They must be found and given the most unpleasant of wedgies and be made to suffer perpetual "pink bellies"....HERESY! Thirdly, in the days of wooden ships and iron men, a sailor enlisted once. The period of enlistment was the life of the ship, the life of the enlistee, or the maiming of the enlistee, whichever came first. When you shipped before the mast, it was a long-term commitment!

Yes, I know I know, it makes for a good story and who really cares if it's true or not. I do! I would refer you back to that whole character flaw thing. The point is, well there really is no point; it just bugs me and y'all just get to read my rant.


TO THE TYRANT NEVER YIELD