A Sordid Tale For The Tellin'
We just officially went to a "uniform camp" today. Meaning that all business, such as eating, laundry, hanging at the MWR room or even drinking your three beers at the cantina, must be conducted in the uniform of the day. For us that is DCUs. I don't know what the Spec Ops guys are gonna do, I don't think they even have uniforms. It used to be that after duty hours you could throw on some comfy civvies and pretend to be a normal person. Well, at least we could try, sort of. What hits me where I live is Fridays. I always liked Friday, all the other staff sections have the day off except for CJ-4 (Logistics never takes a holiday); however, we could come in and work in civvies and pretend we had the day off! We called it casual Friday. Kinda makes it sound civilized. Well its gone and I already miss it. Why is my casual Friday gone you ask! That is a very good question and I will answer it in the tellin' of this tale. It ain't PC so if anybody comes back at me with this I am denying EVERYTHING! It is a tale of men behaving badly (no, not badly just acting like men) and women behaving that way that you want to blame them for their own irresponsibility but can't cause they're women.
Until recently we had a female field grade senior officer of the medical profession aboard this camp. She was known to the male population (not me of course, I'm gelded. My Bride doesn't let me take my crank on deployment) of this camp as "Stifler's Mom"(if you don't understand the reference, then pull your head outta the sand and go see the American Pie movies). Stifler's mom had a shadow, another female field grade medical officer of another service known to the male population of the camp as "Hot Fat Chick". (the reference is self explanatory. She's kinda chubby but still hot). Since the uniform regulations on the camp were a little loose and all the CRE (Combat Reaction Element) and Spec Ops secret squirrels never wore uniforms, they just tooled around in gay looking khaki shorts and T-shirts, Stifler's mom and Hot Fat Chick figured they could dress that way too. Since they never wore a uniform, most people, especially the junior kids, never really were exposed to the fact that they were field grade officers. To complicate things, Stifler's mom and her shadow liked to sun bathe in public wearing technocolor bikinis. Ain't no harm in that particularly if you find yourself a nice quiet spot and don't make a spectacle of yourself. That wasn't their style though. They chose for there solar exposure spot, the highest most visible place in the camp. Right atop of the CRE Shoot House. A large portion of the camps male population would schedule their run time around when Stifler's mom and Hot Fat Chick would be sunning themselves atop the Shoot House. To further compound the situation, these two ladies also liked to booze it up and party at the cantina. Their cantina follies are subject of much lore and they usually resulted in conversation such as:
Male Pig 1: Lordy, did you see what Stifler's mom was wearing last night?
Male Pig 2: You bet I did. I can't believe she squeezed into that!
Male Pig 3: Was a damn fine sight to see. Even Hot Fat Chick was looking choice!
and so on. So it comes to pass, inevitably so, that during Stifler's mom and Hot Fat Chicks cantina crawls they start getting hit on by the junior enlisted. With kids today the pick up lines are a little more crass than I would expect to work, maybe the world population will begin to drop now. After so many times being lasciviously propositioned by the 18-25 year old junior enlisted set, Stifler's mom finally had enough. She went to the Commanding General to complain that the enlisted men were being disrespectful to her. The General asked is she was in uniform. The answer being no, the General correctly deduced that the problem never would have come about if Stifler's mom was wearing the uniform of a military officer of her grade. Ergo sum new uniform policy.
It is my opinion that the male population of this camp was wrong for ogling them (Hell, we are wrong for referring to them as Stifler's mom and Hot Fat Chick. Some things just ain't gonna change). The males are wrong for being rude to them, and nobody has any business trying to pick up fellow military members in a combat zone. Ain't no call for that kinda behavior out here, or even back in CONUS in my opinion. However, I believe Stifler's mom and Hot Fat Chick contributed and magnified the problem with their behavior. It seemed as if they enjoyed the attention and even cultivated it. They knew they were "hot" and were having fun with it, at least until the junior enlisted kids starting trying to pick them up and talking disrespectful to them. Ain't no call for inviting trouble either. So here I sit, telling this little tale, wearing my DCUs instead of comfy shorts all because Men have two brains and only enough blood to run one at a time, and women seem to get a free pass with regards to personal responsibility.
TO THE TYRANT NEVER YIELD
Until recently we had a female field grade senior officer of the medical profession aboard this camp. She was known to the male population (not me of course, I'm gelded. My Bride doesn't let me take my crank on deployment) of this camp as "Stifler's Mom"(if you don't understand the reference, then pull your head outta the sand and go see the American Pie movies). Stifler's mom had a shadow, another female field grade medical officer of another service known to the male population of the camp as "Hot Fat Chick". (the reference is self explanatory. She's kinda chubby but still hot). Since the uniform regulations on the camp were a little loose and all the CRE (Combat Reaction Element) and Spec Ops secret squirrels never wore uniforms, they just tooled around in gay looking khaki shorts and T-shirts, Stifler's mom and Hot Fat Chick figured they could dress that way too. Since they never wore a uniform, most people, especially the junior kids, never really were exposed to the fact that they were field grade officers. To complicate things, Stifler's mom and her shadow liked to sun bathe in public wearing technocolor bikinis. Ain't no harm in that particularly if you find yourself a nice quiet spot and don't make a spectacle of yourself. That wasn't their style though. They chose for there solar exposure spot, the highest most visible place in the camp. Right atop of the CRE Shoot House. A large portion of the camps male population would schedule their run time around when Stifler's mom and Hot Fat Chick would be sunning themselves atop the Shoot House. To further compound the situation, these two ladies also liked to booze it up and party at the cantina. Their cantina follies are subject of much lore and they usually resulted in conversation such as:
Male Pig 1: Lordy, did you see what Stifler's mom was wearing last night?
Male Pig 2: You bet I did. I can't believe she squeezed into that!
Male Pig 3: Was a damn fine sight to see. Even Hot Fat Chick was looking choice!
and so on. So it comes to pass, inevitably so, that during Stifler's mom and Hot Fat Chicks cantina crawls they start getting hit on by the junior enlisted. With kids today the pick up lines are a little more crass than I would expect to work, maybe the world population will begin to drop now. After so many times being lasciviously propositioned by the 18-25 year old junior enlisted set, Stifler's mom finally had enough. She went to the Commanding General to complain that the enlisted men were being disrespectful to her. The General asked is she was in uniform. The answer being no, the General correctly deduced that the problem never would have come about if Stifler's mom was wearing the uniform of a military officer of her grade. Ergo sum new uniform policy.
It is my opinion that the male population of this camp was wrong for ogling them (Hell, we are wrong for referring to them as Stifler's mom and Hot Fat Chick. Some things just ain't gonna change). The males are wrong for being rude to them, and nobody has any business trying to pick up fellow military members in a combat zone. Ain't no call for that kinda behavior out here, or even back in CONUS in my opinion. However, I believe Stifler's mom and Hot Fat Chick contributed and magnified the problem with their behavior. It seemed as if they enjoyed the attention and even cultivated it. They knew they were "hot" and were having fun with it, at least until the junior enlisted kids starting trying to pick them up and talking disrespectful to them. Ain't no call for inviting trouble either. So here I sit, telling this little tale, wearing my DCUs instead of comfy shorts all because Men have two brains and only enough blood to run one at a time, and women seem to get a free pass with regards to personal responsibility.
TO THE TYRANT NEVER YIELD
posted by Ed | 1/23/2004 12:50:00 PM
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