Goof Balls

Speaking of goof balls, another interesting thing happened while I was being “medicated for my injuries”. After five days SIQ I had to go in for a follow-up with our Command pecker checker. My Bride drove me in and dropped me off by our clinic. She planned to go to the exchange for a little bit and then come back buy for me. I on the other hand, being hopped up on goof balls figured she went home and since I was feeling all happy and tingly was gonna put in a productive days work. The details are still a little hazy in my mind cuz I was stoned but apparently my staff immediately realized that I was in no condition to anything but be hopped up on the goof balls. My deputy loaded me into his truck and gave me his cell phone so I could call my Bride and have here come back for me. In the meantime he would drive us to the Nautilus Museum where he was attending the commissioning ceremony of an old friend and I could wait in the truck for my Bride to pick me up (It was all right, he cracked the windows and left me a drink). Apparently, I fell asleep in his truck because three hours later when he came back to his vehicle he was mighty surprised to find me still in it.

During the several hours when I was blissfully asleep my Bride was in panic mode. She went back to the clinic about 45 minutes after she dropped me off and was told by the staff that I went home. That of course couldn’t be true since she was my ride home. She then went to our quarterdeck and had the watch find one of my Sailors who also told her that I went home. At this point she became unhinged. She had the Command Duty Officer, the Duty Chief Petty Officer and the Duty Master at Arms all standing tall while she chewed them up one side and down the other about losing a LCDR hopped up on goof balls. Eventually she had SUBASE Security and our entire Master at Arms force scouring the water front looking for me. They can’t find me of course cuz I am happily asleep in my assistants truck in the museum parking lot. When my Assistant found still in his car he was able to get hold of my Bride and let her know I was alive and he took me home. I am still taking a huge ration of sh*t at the department head meetings for the whole sorry affair. As for the watch team, the duty officer pass down now includes standing orders not to piss off the Chop’s Bride.

Mmmmm…Goof balls…Grgllllargh

TO THE TYRANT NEVER YIELD