I Want My Red Ass Monkeys!

Went outside the wire with the Engineers again. This time I got to go into the far north of the country. Once you get into the mountains, it is pretty nice, well doesn't totally suck. We are looking into restoring a school up in the high country and we went up to look the area over and see what needs to be done. Since every vehicle requires two armed individuals and they only had three engineers for two trucks, I got to go ride shotgun in one. School was in session when we arrived and as I have said before, the children here are adorable. It really hurts to see them existing in such primitive conditions. The one thing I was really excited about was the opportunity to see some RAMs (Red Assed Monkeys). Last time I was out I didn't see any. We had gone south on that trip and everyone promised that If I went up north I would definitely see RAMs. Well I went north and not one stinking RAM. There I was with several Nutrigrain monkey chow bars and no freakin' monkeys. Probably just as well, the last time one of the engineers fed the RAMs they climbed on the truck and tried to pry open the window. He was actually contemplating shooting it but couldn't decide how the rules of engagement applied to pissed off baboons. If I had seen any RAMs, it probably would have ended badly. Still, I WANT MY RED ASSED MONKEYS!

TO THE TYRANT NEVER YIELD

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMBER!!!!!

I would just like to take this opportunity to wish a very Happy Birthday to Amber! This young lady has been a gift from heaven for our family. She is our babysitter (only one my Bride will trust), part time Nanny, part time maid, official photographer and all around good friend. Hell, I would adopt her if she didn't already have a family. I think the Kid's would rather be with Amber than us most of the time. Once again, Happy Birthday Amber and thank you for helping to keep our family from drowning in our own mess.

TO THE TYRANT NEVER YIELD

Daddy, What Did You Really Do In The War?

Hmmm... After reading my Bride's post I think I better set the record straight about my function in the big wheel of life. I have very little to do with winning the war on terrorism, we have trained bullet absorbing killers who do that dirty work. I have a much more important function... I am staff weenie. (This works much better if you imagine the Darth Vader Theme playing in the background) It is my mission to seek out common sense wherever it may be found... AND DESTROY IT! I will find efficiency no matter where it hide... AND STAMP IT OUT! I will walk BEHIND the troops and saddle them with difficult jobs... AND DENY THEM THE TOOLS TO DO IT! I will smell out their "can do" spirit and initiative... AND SQUASH IT! I will bury them in request forms and requisitions... AND THEN LOSE THEM! I will evaluate them on things I know nothing about... AND FIND THEM DEFICIENT! I will inundate them with stupid questions... THAT I REALLY DON'T NEED AN ANSWER TO! I will assign them impossible deadlines for worthless paperwork and when they bust their balls to turn it in on time... I WILL SEND IT BACK FOR REVISION! When the revised copy comes back... I SHALL DECLARE IT MOOT! (Insert maniacal laughter here) I am the enemy of efficiency, the destroyer of common sense, the incinerator of initiative. IN THE NAME OF BUREAUCRACY EVERYWHERE... (work the imaginary Darth Vader theme music to a might crescendo!)I AM A STAFF WEANIE! Let no good deed go unpunished!

TO THE TYRANT NEVER YIELD (Oh wait, that's me) TO THE STAFF WEANIES NEVER YIELD

An Update From The Home Front

Greetings all, this is Ed's Bride again. Things on the home front are getting better now that the Holidays are gone. For us, the holidays were just a bit depressing. They are a time for family togetherness and ours just was not together, that sucked. My eldest son has become fascinated with the concept of tradition and has been asking after our family traditions. On Christmas Eve, it is my love’s family tradition to eat Mexican food, I can’t say I understand why but it is so. This Christmas I simply did not have the energy to try and cook a Mexican food dinner, so I gathered up the flock and took them to our favorite local Mexican restaurant even though I promised myself I would not eat there until my husband came home. It is my love’s favorite restaurant and it is just too depressing to go without him. Anyway, our daughter grabbed onto a picture of her Daddy and would not give it up. At first I was concerned that she would tear it up but I decided it more important for her to have it, the picture can always be replaced, a two year olds sense of security can’t be so easily fixed. All throughout dinner the kid’s pretended their Dad was there by talking to the picture. If you have ever been around a 7, 4, and 2 year old, they aren’t quite or even reasonable for that matter. People were beginning to stare and give funny looks at the insane family talking to their invisible Dad. Eventually, someone came over and asked where why they were behaving so strangely. My oldest son stood up, showed the picture and told them that his Dad was in Africa to fight the terrorists. He then proceeded to go to every table and just to make sure he told everyone. I could have just died. I tried to catch him but as soon as I went after my eldest, the other two started working the room. So there I am, on Christmas Eve, in a restaurant chasing down my three children (Chaos, Mayhem, and Entropy) as they endeavored to tell every person in the restaurant that their Daddy was off in Africa protecting them from terrorists. I was so embarrassed, I thought the staff was going to ask us to leave, but the people kept saying let them speak because it is good to see how proud and how much the children love their Dad. So there I a sat, at my Love’s favorite restaurant, watching my children make strangers cry. It was probably the most “interesting” Christmas Eve I have ever spent. Since that day, my daughter does not go to many places without her Dads picture. She carries it around the house and kisses it. To say the least, we have worn out one picture already. Kids are cute.

As of today, we are in the planning stages for Halfway Night, the children are VERY excited about it and it keeps them occupied. Traditionally, Halfway Night is when all the families in the Wardroom (sometimes the whole ship) get together and throw a party. Since my husband is deployed as an individual to a Joint Task Force and not on a ship there are no other families get together with, so it will just be us, but we still are going to have a party! Also, we are started the planning for Dad to come home. Actually, WE haven’t but my middle son has. He asks his Dad what kind of cake and what kind of party he wants when he comes home. He has decided that it is his responsibility to plan a homecoming party for Dad and the situation is urgent. You just can’t get the concept of over 3 more months left through a four-year-old mind. We have so much other stuff to do before my Husband gets home. We have to repair everything we destroyed since he left and we will be cleaning fools. My Husband likes things clean and orderly. He will never get that but we will try for his homecoming. I have three months to find the floor. I think I even remember what color the carpet was. We are really looking forward to having him home.

TO THE TYRANT NEVER YIELD

Continued Karmic Deficiency

The universe just ain't givin' me no love!. The situation that was the root cause of yesterday's bad day has gone from unpleasant to righteously unpleasant. I once again have a critical piece of equipment down and the repair parts for it were shipped out via my favorite German small parcel express company. They were due in yesterday but of course they didn't arrive (they are never on time when you really, really need them) and I have spent the last two days trying to find out what happened to them. Well, the company rep finally contacted me today (I have been leaving messages for 2 days) and guess what....my critical part was pulled off the flight (after completing two legs I might add) because it was hazardous material and did not have the proper export paperwork. I have a couple of issues with the situation:

1. My favorite German small parcel express carrier never should have accepted the package without the proper paperwork
2. The unit that shipped the item SHOULD HAVE DONE THE REQUIRED PAPERWORK!!!
3. The small parcel express carrier should never have let the shipment fly two legs without the proper paper work
4. The small parcel express carrier should never have let the shipment stay on hold for 5 days WITHOUT TELLING EITHER CONSIGNOR OR CONSIGNEE THAT IT WAS ON HOLD. They didn't even update the tracking website (which was, in fact, my first clue that something was really wrong)

So here I sit, pissed enough to kick a puppy (not really, I would never kick a puppy.....a cat however, just for shits and grins) trying to find out from the small parcel carrier just what paperwork needs to be filed and then convince the unit's home plate (a reserve unit back in the states) to file it with the carrier. All on a Sunday. Yeah right.... good freakin' luck. This is a hell of way to fight a war.

Sorry about that, sometimes I have just got to vent. I have that throbbing Loggie headache pounding (complete with throbbing vein) in my temple. There is only one sure fire way to resolve this situation:

Step one: Draw circle on brick wall
Step Two: Bang head repeatedly in circle until unconscious.

Yep, that ought to do it.

TO THE TYRANT NEVER YIELD